#792
Man this place is quiet today.
Date: 10/11/2001
From: pitchTork
< Tork is on break and is talking to Mickey at the MSTHauntedHouse. Mickey is covering his eyes. >
Mickey: I'm scared! Make it stop! Make it stop!
< Tork looks at the stage. The grandma daughter ( that's DR. GRANDMA DAUGHTER! ) is showing her butt off. All the customers have either gone to Club Scum or they are really drunk. >
Tork: ( shudders ) Ummm, it's okay. It's just that our lead dancer broke her leg jumping off the stage one too many times. She also said something about a "pretty mmmmmiiiiiiinnnnnnddddd."
Mickey: ( sobbing )
Tork: Cheer up. The Shick out of Shape girls are on next.
< meanwhile Tork's bosses, Leo and Marty are talking. >
Leo: Do you remember how much money we spent.
Marty: One million! Ah ha ha!
Two million! Ah ha ha!
Three million! Ah ha ha!
Four ...
Leo: Stop that! The point is that the MSTHauntedHouse is now the only place that cannot be blown up by animals with explosives attached to them.
NOTE:
You heard me! You'll have to come up with something new, real life Lita who I DON'T have a psychotic crush on. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh!
Blah!!! And maybe some poining too!
EEE-ville
#793
<Lita goes to MSTHauntedHouse>
Date: 10/11/2001
From: Carmelita9000
<Evil Mike is following her.>
Lita: Geez! PM said he was going to throw a party, and then he had to go and not throw a party! What's his deal? I want to party!
<Lita looks around the place.>
Lita: Hmm... nice décor. That's a-- uh-- lovely mannequin of a guy sawing down the chandelier.
EM: Uh... Lita?
Lita: What?
EM: I don't think that's a mannequin.
Lita: My goodness, Evil Mike! You're right!
<Lita does one of those great horror movie screams, and then...>
*CRAAAASH!!!*
#794
As the smoke clears...
Date: 10/12/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
Mickey: Ow...PM!!! Why'd you do that?
PM: I had to destroy this haunted house. It's taking away my buisness.
Mickey: Um, PM? Look around...Do you see anyone else besides me? I don't think so...
PM: Um, there's Lita.
Lita: (nervous wave) Hi. Just visiting. Don't mind me.
PM: And there's Evil Mike.
Evil Mike: You know PM, I've done some evil things in my time, but this is just too evil.
Mickey: Think about it PM. Am I really that valuble a customer? I don't even drink much.
Lita: (rolls her eyes): Sure you don't, Mickey.
PM: OK, I do see your point.
Tork: Great. Now it's time to see the bill.
(once again, all enjoy a harty sized sitcom laugh)
Tork: No seriously PM (Poins his gun at PM)
PM: Oh, alright (gets his wallet and pays Tork) Hey, where'd Mickey go?
Mickey: (yells from backstage) Oh, I'm just offering these girls a place to stay. Except you, grandma.
Lita: So much for being a gentleman.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Do-gooder
Big Fraidy Cat
It's not polite to poin.
#795
Break- From- Revenge Party! (finally!)
Date: 10/12/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
[MSTBlanca is done out in Hallowe'en-style decorations. All the staff is wearing costumes: Rick's done out in his Dracula get-up, DJ Sam Casey is in his "Saturday Night Fever" costume (he *says* it's a costume, anyway), and Torgo is dressed up like Joe Walsh (it's *very* convincing!!!). Sam's spinning the "platterz that matter"; currently, "Everyday is Halloween" by Ministry is playing. Nabut is showing people in at the door, dressed in all his zoot-suit glory as a '30's gangster. He brings Lita, Evil Mike, grandmapa, and Rimmer back to the booth where PM is sitting.]
[PM] Hey! Glad you could make it!
[Lita] Nice costume! What are you, a samurai?
[PM] Yeah, Tokagawa Shogunate era. Pretty spiffy, huh?
[Evil Mike] It'd look better if you weren't wearing that stupid hat thing you always wear.
[PM] Hey, it's my trademark!
[Rimmer] You never said it was going to be a costume party!
[Grandmapa] Yeah! I mean, I could play off the dress as a costume, if everyone didn't know I wear one all the time, but what're the others going to do?
[PM] Don't worry! Use the big jack-o-lantern shaped booth back by my office; it's the Costume-O-Tron 599MC! It'll hook you up right quick!
[Lita] What took you so long to start this party, anyway? You know that my attention span shortens dramatically when I want to party! I need distraction, dammit!
[PM] Well, a bunch of stuff came up at work. I had to complete a massive equipment order by 3:00, so I didn't have much time to RP.
[Evil Mike] RP? What the hell are you talking about? Besides, we saw you over at the MSTHaunted House, sabotaging it, not completing some "equipment order"!
[Lita] Yeah! What's up with that?
[PM] I don't know what came over me. I mean, as a devoted capitalist I always welcome competition (as long as I'm soundly trouncing them). And I usually prefer to use some kind of Weird Science doohickey to cause mass destruction, instead of physical vandalism. Besides, that's the sort of thing I send lackeys and henchmen to do! Why *did* I do that?!?
[Nabut] It was probably a behavioral change induced by the |\/|4|> 1337 |-|4xx0r virus you were coming down with at the end of your last post, my liege.
[PM] Oh YEAH! *That'd* do it!
[Rimmer] The what who WHICH virus?
[Evil Mike] The "mad 'leet hacker" virus. A lot of the wannabe hacker kids post their pathetic ramblings in "1337-5P33|<", or "'leet speak" on the pirate Bboards. They use character substitution and arcane slang in order to sound cool, or "kewl". It's quite annoying, really.
[Lita looks at EM funny.] Err, exactly what *are* you doing on my PC when I'm in class, Evil Mike?
[Evil Mike] Nothing to worry your pretty little head about, ch1xx0r. Let's just say that I spend a lot less time looking at internet porn than you might otherwise have thought.
[Lita] I don't know whether to be comforted or scared.
[Rimmer] So, did the damages at MSTHaunted House set you back much? Did it? Huh, huh, huh?!? It would satisfy that part of me that doesn't want to wait until after the party to get more revenge on you!
[PM] Actually, it didn't cost me any cash. I paid Tork in chocolate coins.
[Grandmapa] Chocolate coins?!?
[PM] Yeah, Prime Minister Sharon owed me a favor and he gave me twenty cases of 'em. They're really good, but there's only so much chocolate you can eat before it starts to go bad. Tork didn't seem to mind.
[Rimmer, crestfallen.] So it *didn't* cost you any money?
[PM] Would it make you feel better if I told you that I could have made a lot of money by reselling them?
[Rimmer] I guess it's better than nothing.
[PM] Anyway, enough talk. Time for drinking! Rick! Have Nick bring us all our favorites!
[Nick comes over, wearing a nice set of chinderwear.]
[Grandmapa] Hey! Great costume!
[Nick] Costume? This is a costume party?!?
[Sam hits a "wah-wah-WAH!" trumpet sound effect. As Nabut rises to greet more guests as they enter.]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Yeah, I've been reading too much "MegaTokyo"
Sarcophagus!
#796
<Lita, Rimmer, and Evil Mike...>
Date: 10/12/2001
From: Carmelita9000
<…are hanging out by the Costume-O-Tron 599MC. Lita is looking at it suspiciously.>
Lita: I don't know… can we trust him? I don't want to come out of there with a third eye or extra limbs or anything.
Rimmer: Of course it's safe! Quit whining!
Lita: It just seems kind of-
<Evil Mike loses his patience. He pushes Lita in and closes the door. During the three seconds that Lita is in the booth, Evil Mike and Rimmer do surprisingly well at taking advantage of their time alone together. When Lita opens the door and comes back out, they separate quickly and she doesn't even notice.>
EM: <Squints at Lita.> So what are you?
Lita: Isn't it obvious? I'm a princess!
Rimmer: The big fluffy dress and pointy hat with the veil really should have given it away, Evil Mike.
Lita: It's your turn, EM. Get in the booth.
<Evil Mike steps into the Costume-O-Tron, and the girls wait outside to chat.>
Rimmer: Boy, Lita. A Princess, huh? That's creative. Must have taken you a whole second to think of that.
Lita: I guess it is kind of standard, huh? But you! Now you're creative! That hooker costume is great!
Rimmer: …I'm not wearing a costume yet…
Lita: Oh! You're not! I'm sorry! I didn't realize!
<Rimmer looks like she's about to punch somebody. Lita is suddenly very interested in that somebody not being her, so she changes the subject.>
Lita: Hey, Evil Mike! Are you about done? You've been in there for a really long time!
EM: <from inside the booth> I think this thing is broken. This isn't the costume I wanted.
Lita: Come on out and let's see!
<Evil Mike comes out of the booth, looking sullen. He's wearing a flat straw hat, short pants, shiny sandals, and he's holding a big lollypop. Rimmer starts laughing uncontrollably.>
Lita: I don't know, Evil Mike! I think you look darling!
<Unable to resist the urge, Lita pinches Evil Mike's cheek.>
EM: Don't do that again or I'll hit you with my lollypop!
Lita: <as if she were looking at a puppy> Awwww… <3
Rimmer: Idn't he jus da cutest widdle ting?
EM: This wasn't the costume I requested…
#797
I'm sorry I've been gone so much, but...
Date: 10/12/2001
From: The_Gramp_Reaper
I just got over Homecoming! You know, the thing with the parade and the mascots and... oh yes, all you "old folks" know it as, "Those damn whipper-snappers wastin' toilet paper in the neighbor's kid's yard!" :op
Anyway, all last week (Oct. 1-5) was Homecoming for the Andalusia Bulldogs(3-3), who faced the Jackson Aggies, whose mascot was a farmer. Yes, a farmer, with cows and pitchforks and goat milk and such! As with tradition, people try to roll the yards of fellow students. Some could care less about having their yard snowed in, while others, like myself, get out our various weaponry to defend our lots.
You have your paint ball guns, eggs, and Silly String to choose from, but then, you have others, like me, who take the old-fashioned route: fishing line. And I used all 400 yards of it on only half of the yard, figuring the twenty or so 50 foot pine trees and gravity were more than a match for those wimpy Jr. Varsity 9th graders (2-4), like myself. After this trap was set, I decided to see how smart people in Andalusia really were, so I stuck a guitar case with a cloth on its head in the dining room window, in plain view of the street. Noticeably, I had quite a few comments on "my" looking out the window. The final trap was that I would keep a constant vigil out of my garage door window, which is out of the view of the street.
Before I go any further, the house layout: the front door and dining room windows face a main street, which many cops were patrolling; the garage door faces a dirt road that bisects the highway, which is where most people attempt to roll from, and next to the dirt road was where the fishing line was placed; to the left of the front of the house (coming from the inside out) stand 20 feet high, quite thick red top bushes (which the garage door faces away from), and behind those, our next door neighbor, the Church of Christ; the backyard is surrounded in chain-link fence for animals and privacy; all of this is spread out over 3 acres. Ahhh, the beauty of the South; rednecks, moonshine, and rolling acres of undeveloped land!
Monday night, 9:00 P.M. CST! : a white truck pulls up to the dirt road; I lift the garage door and chase them off with the car; I bash Mariah Carey's Glitter for the 33rd time; house protected.
Tuesday night, 8:30 P.M. CST! : a car pulls up to the dirt road; it abruptly does a 360 when I raise the garage door; I heavily booze, depressed that I didn't get to chase them down the street and take down their license plate number; house protected.
Wednesday night, CST! : absolutely nothing; the guitar case demanded a shot of whiskey and the Best of NBC's Blossom Vol. 1; EM and Rimmi start making out in the dirt road; Lita starts watching Blossom with the guitar case, seeing as she can't watch her beloved Buffy; the neighbor’s half wolf/half Husky bites and scratches up the adulterous couple; house protected.
Thursday night, 9:45 P.M. CST!: the two dachshunds in the backyard start barking like mad; garage door is raised to reveal the yard has been slaughtered; house defeated.
"How is it so?!", you may ask! I'll tell you, as if it isn’t already obvious! ;o) As I was looking out of the garage door window, a tan Excursion pulled up into the church yard (they obviously knew of the fishing line, seeing as many saw me putting it out), which is when the dogs started barking. I, so stupidly, thought they were barking at an ambulance, and ignored it for a minute. During this time, the rollers piled through a space in the red tops and began their rampage. After that minute, I decided to go and look out of the front door window, which I could not see anything out of due to the darkness. I then went out to the garage and raised the door, looked to my left, and voila!, the culprits were spotted in the middle of their attack, which had already covered the red tops and had reached a few of the pine trees (only because they brought along the 12th grade pitcher for the baseball team). I screamed, “Hey!”, at them, then stated, “Oh well...”, seeing as there was nothing that could be done. I then heard quite a bit of mad laughter and “Woohoo!”-ing, to which I felt rather relieved.
Why relieved? Because I wouldn’t have to watch the yard anymore! And what did I do after I found them rolling it? I figured, “Why leave a job unfinished?”, and then drove off to get some KFC and garbage bags, leaving them the whole yard to roll. And how did I find out who all did this horrendous massacre? They admitted it, bragging of course, and told me all about it, for some reason. They didn’t figure out it was a guitar case, either, until they were at the dining room window. Whodunit? Why of course, the wimpy 9th grade Jr. Varsity football players did, along with that stinky poo-poo 12th grader! These answers were SO obvious, wasn’t it?
What does this have to do with MST3k? Crow loves windows when he’s drunk and calling out for his imaginary lover, Debby!
And now, one more question: How would you defend your house from getting rolled? And you better come up with one, because you’ll be sorry when you see a magical walker waddling up your driveway and me dragging masses of toilet paper and eggs right behind it! :op
meregrandpere?
grandmerepere!, sch.
Le Vieil Sexe Courbure! (The closest I could come in French is the old sex bend! Blah!)
Vice-Prez de j’deteste Riddler organisation!
President de j’deteste Hamburglar organisation!
17 h 05 m, CST!
#798
Lita sees a 6 foot bunny
Date: 10/13/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
behind the costume a tron.
Rimmer: Hey, it's a 6 foot bunny!
Lita: You see it too? Oh good. I thought they were starting to show up before I had a chance to get drunk.
Evil Mike: Oh, it's just Mickey. See? (pulls off the head and it is indeed Mickey) This guy reeks of MST Haunted House, and he's been there even more than Tork.
Mickey: Um, hey Lita. Rimmer, good to see you. Haven't seen you in awhile. And Evi...well, now, aren't you the little cutie (pinches Evil Mike's cheek, Evil Mike punches him).
Lita: MICKEY!!! I'm ashamed of you. You fiddled with the costume o tron to make Evil Mike into this adorable...I mean, horrendous monster.
Mickey: Now why would you go and say that?
Lita: That wrench you're holding.
Mickey: (hides the wrench behind his back) Eh, what wrench?
(Evil Mike punches Mickey again)
Mickey: Ow, cut it out, EM. Trust me, this was meant for PM. Do you know how much those chandaliers hurt? Here...(fixes the costume o tron).
Evil Mike: Thanks. (starts to get back in the costume o tron, but notices something) Hey, a camera.
Lita: PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rimmer: Oh great....Here we go again.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Do-gooder
Big Fraidy Cat
Think you can get in my yard, old man? WELL COME GET SOME!!!!
#799
Lita: I don't get it.
Date: 10/13/2001
From: Carmelita9000
grandmapa: It's really very simple.
Lita: No it isn't! I don't get it!
Cow: Well, you know what they say, Moooadam. Mooooinutes to learn, a lifetime to mooooaster.
Lita: Nobody says that! And I still don't get it!
Evil Mike: Big surprise there.
<Lita glares at Evil Mike.>
Evil Mike: What I meant to say is, it's a complicated game! Nobody gets it!
Cow: <Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow rolls his eyes.> Good save. I'mooo imooopressed.
grandmapa: Come on, Lita. It's your turn. Just roll.
<The assembled group is sitting in a booth in the back of MSTblanca. Across the room, by the Costume-O-Tron, Rimmer is arguing with PM about hidden cameras. Lita and Evil Mike are sitting on one side of the booth. They are sitting very close together. It's partly out of affection, and it's partly (since Evil Mike doesn't have much genuine affection for anybody) that Evil Mike hopes Lita's elaborate princess dress is big enough to hide his wussy little boy costume. For her part, Lita happens to think that in this costume Evil Mike is just the cutest little thing that ever there was, and most of the bar patrons seem to agree. In fact, they can't seem to help dropping by the booth from time to time to make comments to that effect, and more than one person has walked away with a black eye from trying to pinch Evil Mike's cheeks. On the other side of the booth sits grandmapa. He's still wearing his dress, not trusting those "new-fangled-costume-gizmos of that whippersnapper, PM." Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow is pacing around on top of the table (he can do that, he's really little, remember). He seems mostly to be complaining about anything and everything that comes to mind, and mostly everybody is ignoring him. Also on the table, is a backgammon board. There are a few pieces sitting on it. Lita is glaring at it in frustration. grandmapa is teaching her to play.>
grandmapa: <getting crotchety> Come on, Lita! Quit stalling! While you've been sitting here providing exposition, about five minutes have passed! You could have explained what's going on in about three sentences! Hurry up and roll!
Evil Mike: Providing exposition? I didn't hear anything. I think you're starting to go senile, gramps.
Lita: Shut up! I'm trying to think about my next move!
grandmapa: What's to think about?! Roll the dice! I'm an old, old man! I could pass away at any minute here! You're wasting the precious last few moments of my life!
<Lita rolls the dice.>
Lita: It's a four, gramps. What does that mean?
Evil Mike: It means you go four.
Lita: Go four where? There aren't any spaces on this board, just a bunch of arrows! What do I do, gramps?
grandmapa: Four, eh? The four means… the four means…. It means I win! Yay for me! Better luck to you next time!
Lita: Wait a minute! Since when does a four mean you win?
grandmapa: Since always! You may as well stop complaining. Four means I win and that is that.
Lita: What does five mean?
grandmapa: Er…
Lita: You don't have the faintest idea how to play backgammon either, do you? You're just making the rules up as you go along! You don't know the slightest thing about backgammon!
Grandmapa: I know the board is all pointy.
Evil Mike: <With a hint of menace in his eyes> Are you trying to cheat my girlfriend?
grandmapa: No!
Evil Mike: Because if that's what you're doing, I might just have to rip off your--
Cow: Oh please! Don't moooake mooe laugh with this fake heroism! You've been taking any excuse to get into fights since this party started!
Evil Mike: Do you want me to pound you, Little Cow?!
grandmapa: You younguns nowadays. Always with the violence. In my day we would settle our differences like gentlemen. Nowadays you young people, your deplorable behavior is liable to give me a stroke!
<Evil Mike reaches across the table, upsetting the backgammon board, and grabs grandmapa by his flowery collar. He pulls gramps forward until their faces are inches apart.>
Evil Mike: I don't know why you call us "younguns," Old Man. Lita's way older than you, and she's still in college.
grandmapa: I can't help it if she's slow.
Lita: Oh… them's fightin' words!
Random Passerby: <Looks at Evil Mike> Oh, isn't that just darling! Is you aww cranky? Yes you is!
<Evil Mike looks at the passerby darkly. The passerby gives a yelp of terror and runs away. Evil Mike lets go of grandmapa, and they both sit back down.>
Evil Mike: Enough of this backgammon garbage! <he pushes the board and all its pieces off the table, onto the floor.> I'm going to teach you kids a real game! <shouts across the room to the bar> RICK!!!
Rick: YEAH???
Evil Mike: GET SOME BOOZE OVER HERE!!!
Rick: DO YOU HAVE ANY PARTICULAR PREFERENCE???
Lita: Ooh! Do they have any Battle Booze? I really think that would fit the mood over here!
Evil Mike: DO YOU HAVE ANY BATTLE BOOZE???
Rick: NO!!! LITA STOLE IT ALL LAST TIME SHE WAS HERE, ON THE GROUNDS THAT IT'S HERS ANYWAY!!! BY THE WAY, I THINK YOUR COSTUME IS ADORABLE!!!
Lita: THANK YOU!!!
Rick: I WAS TALKING TO EVIL MIKE!!!
Evil Mike: @!#% YOU!!! They don't have any Battle Booze.
Lita: Oh, wait! I do! <Lita pulls several large bottles of Battle Booze out of the folds of her skirt.> I always have plenty of Battle Booze, it does a body good! Now what is this game you were going to teach us, Evil Mike?
Evil Mike: You'll like this game. HEY RICK!!! BRING US SOME SHOT GLASSES!!!
Rick: OKEY DOKEY!!! OH, AND @!#% YOU TOO!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
may well be on the verge
of getting very, very, drunk.
Again.
#800
/a eggs Grampies house!!
Date: 10/14/2001
From: Deadschmoe
Tee hee! Take that, you old coot!!
900, baby!! I'm the god, I'm the god!!
fw!!
no socks
#801
Yeesh almighty, I'm smaht!!!!!!! SMAHT!
Date: 10/14/2001
From: Dumbschmoe
Only off by a 100, that's not bad! 800, I mean!!
801 now, baby!! Whoohoo! I'm on fire!!
Yeesh.
fw!!
no socks
#802
<poins and laughs at Schmoe!>
Date: 10/14/2001
From: Rimferatu
It's okay. I mistakes too make. Much many errors. Sometimes sound I like Pokejedservo kitestring.
I need to get back into the story. Do I have a costume yet? Am I dressed like a hooker? I'll catch up. My Alternate Universe Rimmer should be coming too since way back Lite asked me to call her.
A_Judas_Rimmer
The Sunday bitch's bitch!
Sartorial!
#803
To answer your questions, Rim
Date: 10/15/2001
From: Carmelita9000
"No," and "Apparently." Hope that clears things up. We need to move this thing along...
<In the back of MSTBlanca, by the Costume-O-Tron, Rimmer is arguing with Pharaoh Mobius about the hidden camera.>
PM: Look! I'm telling you! I didn't put the hidden camera in there! I don't know how it got there!
Rimmer: Oh, right! Like I believe that! You're always taking blackmail pictures of people! That camera was obviously yours!
PM: Will you listen to me? The hidden camera isn't mine! All the cameras I put in there were clearly visible!
Rimmer: You should know what's going on in your own costume booth!
PM: What are you so mad about anyway? You haven't even gone in the booth yet. I'd think Lita would be the one who's pissed.
Rimmer: Oh, she's pissed, all right.
<Rimmer poins to the booth on the opposite side of the room, in the back of MSTBlanca. Lita, clutching a bottle of Battle Booze, has her arms wrapped tightly around Evil Mike's neck.>
Lita: No! You don unnerssstand!!1! I *LOVE* you, Man!!!
EM: Ok! Ok! I love you too! Now, could you loosen your grip a little? I need to breathe!
gramps: She's got to be losing the game on purpose. Nobody has such scant knowledge of the state capitols.
Cow: I blamooooe your Amooooerican public education system.
EM: Whose turn was it?
gramps: Lord Funkywunky has to take a drink.
Cow: I refuse! It's not fair! Nobody should have to take a drink that's larger than his head!
Lita: Ssshut up an drink! I wanna see this!
Cow: Moooadam! Your behaviour is revolting! And this gamoooe is childish!
EM: Aw, screw the game!
<Evil Mike takes a big drink from the bottle Lita's holding. He grabs Lita and they start making out right there. Back at the other side of the bar, Rimmer shakes her head.>
Rimmer: How can she kiss him like that in public? I swear! Lita has no class!
PM: Riiight...
Rimmer: Say, Pharahaorahrmaashafaalaa. I'm curious. Where are we standing right now?
PM: In the back of the bar.
Rimmer: Right. And where is the booth that Lita and Evil Mike are making out in?
PM: Um... In the back of the bar.
Rimmer: Right. Yet we're on opposite sides of the room, aren't we?
PM: Er... yes.
Rimmer: How exactly does that work?
PM: Yes, well, it's actually very complicated. It involves lots of ropes, and pulleys, and technology that you wouldn't understand, and… SLEEEEEEEEEP!!!!
Rimmer: Hey!!! ZZzzzzzzz.....
<As Rimmer sinks to the floor, Pharaoh Mobius tiptoes away to chat with less confrontational guests.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
is finally enjoying this party!
Hey, when's CaveRimmer going to show?
#804
gramps: Vulgar young'uns...
Date: 10/15/2001
From: The_Gramp_Reaper
gramps: Them whipper-snappers need a takin' behind the woodshed, that's what I say! That would set 'em straight... Oh well, more booze for me!
PM: Now how is everyone doing tonight? My, gramps, still haven't picked out a costume? Why don't you try my Costume-O...
gramps: I'm not going anywhere near that thinger-majigery-thingy-gadget! Rimmi thinks them thar picture-taker-thingers are in there! And it certainly ain't like Rimmi to lie... <Lita hears this, and trys to speak up, but is still smothered (in love, heh-heh!) by EM>
Lita: Phat Pfore! Pfall phe phever phoes phis phleep aprhound! Phoh Pheh, phiv phit phu phe, Phike!
PM: O-kay! Hey gramps, ~~~SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~~~
gramps: That old trick doesn't work on us old folks, Phfafphafrofaoh! You know we never go to sleep on command: we fall asleep at any random time! Duh!
PM: Shoot! Well, hey gramps, how did you get so old, but you were born in 1987?!
gramps: I said 1987, which, of course, means B.C.! I remember the time when *yawn* Archduke Ferdinand wanted to buy *rubs eyes* the Michelin tire man from *starts to close eyes* Cleopatra... ((((SNOOOOOOORE))))
PM: That's... um... interesting, gramps! *whew* I am glad they're finally asleep! They almost got me caught on my 78th Peeping Tom arrest!
cow: Excoooooouse me, Peep-o Morebious, would you care tooooo repeat that?
PM: Umm... I didn't say that! I said TOM O. PEEP, umm... had a cardiac ARREST, and umm... he's 78... YEARS OLD! Nasty cow patty! Shame!
cow: I know what I heard, what I really really heard, what I really really really really really really heard! Moooooooo!
PM: <Pharoah starts singing really really loud> OOOOOOO! If ya wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends...
Lita: <muffled> Phi phove phis phong! Phing phit, Phharhahrofh... pho, Phike! Pho phit phaphain!
cow: mumblegruntsniffdumbpharoahgrumblespicegirlsmooooo...
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
6:57 P.M. CST!
<writes in shaving cream on Schmoe's yard "You're going senile, Mr. 900! Ha ha!" and sticks Depends all over his car> Take that, whipper-snapper! We elderly be hip, dawg! Peace out!
#805
I AM who am the wise guy!
Date: 10/15/2001
From: Sunday12
Name: Sunday
Favorite Tree: Poplar
Dog's name: Una
Size: 10-12
Least favorite surname: Flannery
What does the 12 stand for?: Number of men's hearts ripped out and stepped on
Job: Bitch!
Hobbie: Getting lots of points in online games and rubbing it in
<walks into MSTBlanca and without introducing herself she shoves Lita into the Men's Room and locks the door, throws champagne in PM's face, pulls Mickey's pants down, blabs grandmapa's secrets in a jaunty drinking song and slips Rimmi a rufy then sticks her feet in Rimmi's unconscious face singing, "Treat or treat, smell my feet!">
#806
I forgot Evil Mike!
Date: 10/15/2001
From: Sunday12
<runs in and turns Evil Mike into an ice sculpture. Sunday runs out of MSTBlanca a-chuckling and a-cackling into the night!>
TSB!
That Sunday Bitch!
#807
PM: Soooo.....
Date: 10/15/2001
From: Carmelita9000
PM: Lita, you *want* me to sing the Spice Girls?
Lita: Phpice Phirls? Phike!!! <Lita pushes Evil Mike away for the moment, so she can get a word in edgewise.> I don like the Ssshpice Girlsssh! I thought you were uh… ssingin… uhh… That one ssong? You know? The U2 ssong I like? Uh….
EM: Beautiful Day?
Lita: Yah, thassit! Sing that one, Pharfahshfhelddafaghallayya!
PM: No!
Lita: C'mon! Ya gotta!
EM: Ok, that's enough. Less talking, more kissing!
Lita: Ok, but I'm jus sayin-Mmmphh!!!1!!1!
PM: But Beautiful Day doesn't sound anything like If You Want to Be My Lover. Hey, has anybody seen Mickey?
gramps: Maybe you should ask the six foot pink rabbit that's stealing all the toilet paper from the men's restroom.
PM: Hey! Knock that off! Toilet paper doesn't grow on trees!!
#808
Woah! Scary time warp!
Date: 10/15/2001
From: Carmelita9000
So I guess all that stuff with That Sunday Bitch happened after my reply? Because it would make more sense that way. Yes! That's what happened! She was just too bitchy to wait a minute before posting is all.
Now.
<Lita is sitting on the floor of the Men's Room. She looks around, in a drunken haze.>
Woah... whattre all thesse guysh doing in here?
#809
5...4...3...
Date: 10/15/2001
From: pitchTork
Tork: 2......1. There, I ate every coin that the boss let me keep.
< The MSTHauntedHouse has gotten more customers. Partly due to the Amazon women on stage, and partly due to the free chocolate coins given out to new customers. ( It's almost ironic. Or something. ) >
AW: (in unison) Grapefruits.
< Tork is backstage. >
Tork: Oh no, I'm missing the grapefruit routine.
< Tork isn't going anywhere. His boss has finally found him. >
Leo: There you are. I thought I told you to cause trouble at MSTblanca.
Tork: (sarcastic) I'll do it when I can get up.
< all of a sudden, there is a bright flash. Tork is normal again >
Tork: Huh. Another bad time-space continuity - I mean - continuum, uhh, thingie. Well, I better go to MSTblanca to see who caused it.
Leo: You think you know who caused it.
Tork: No, but all the usual suspects went to there after the chandelier incident.
Leo: (under breath) I hope no one has noticed the extra cameras.
Tork: What?
Leo: Oh, nothing.
< First a janitor, then a doorman, than apparently the owner of the place, and now a reluctant spy/trouble maker. It MUST be the work of Consisty, the character consistency sprite (boing) >
Any spelling errors, ignore them.
Okay, let me check... Oh shoot, I used the other handle. Oh well, might as well get it over with.
"EEE-ville"
There, I'm done.
#810
But bunnies don't wear pants
Date: 10/16/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
(Mickey shakes his head and continues to steal toilet paper. It better be the good kind, he doesn't want Ortega's you-know-what stinking up the MST Garden)
Mickey: (stubs his toe on something) Ow. (looks down) Uh, hey Lita. What are you doing in the mens room?
Lita: Oh Mikey. Thank goodness you're here. Ssome SSSunday person pushed me in here. Ssing me a sssong, Mikey. Wait, you're not Mikey...
Mickey: That's what I've been try...nevermind.
Lita: You're that evil rabbit who keepss trying to ssteal the kidsh' cereal.
Mickey: I think we need to get you to an intervention. There are a lot of people who care for you.
Lita: (picks up a broken bottle that has somehow found it's way into the bathroom) Ssing me a ssong, rabbit, or I'll turn you in to the proper authoritiesh, you cereal=napper.
Mickey: (singing) IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Do-gooder
Big Fraidy Cat
Wanted by the police for the murder of Beautiful Day.
#811
[PM] Hah! Shows what they know!
Date: 10/16/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
[Nabut] What is it, my liege?
[PM] They're all over there tryin' to steal TP and stuff! Don't they realize that the restrooms here are fitted with bidets? There isn't a roll in the house!
[Nabut] That was true until the last forced rennovation, my liege. Since then, the bidets haven't worked, and we've been forced to switch to Charmin.
[PM] Damn their eyes, already!!! Oh well, can't worry about that now. I've got a bottle callin' my name here!
[PM goes back to boozing and telling people who pry too much to SLEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!]
TmPM
too friggin' busy today
Sarcophagus!
#812
Cow: Wow. PMoo has sure taken this well.
Date: 10/16/2001
From: Carmelita9000
Cow: That Sunday Bitch shows up, assaults mooooost of his patrons (except for moooee!!!1!! Ha ha ha!! Moo!), and throws chamoooopagne in his face, and it doesn't even faze himoo. What do you think, grandmooooopa?
gramps: *stunned* I can't believe she told them about the time I killed Lita's clone… Nobody was supposed to know about that! Huh? What did you say?
Cow: Nevermoooooind, old chap.
gramps: Say, where'd that ice statue of Evil Mike come from? It's nice. They captured his adorable kid costume perfectly.
<Meanwhile, Lita is still locked in the men's room with Mickey and some other guys. Mickey is still singing loudly, in fact, now nobody can get him to stop.>
Mickey: IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAAAAAY!!! (Say, the acoustics in here are great! Somebody should tell Phafahaohneahseaha about this!) DON'T LET IT GET AWAAAYYY!!!!!
<Lita is crouched by the door, giving orders to the outside world.>
Lita: Hey! Um… Anyboddy out there who can hear me! Can..uh… Sssomebody… Hey! Could one of you be a dear and… uh… figure out how to turn EM back from an ice ssculpture? You know, before he melts? I've grown kind of attatattattched to him… I don't want him to… uh.. you know. Die… or sssomething. (Ugh, I feel woozy…) He'sss my favorite henchman/love machine. Thanks! *hic*
Some guy: Geez, Lady! Will you just give it a rest already? They can't hear you through the door.
Lita: How do you know?
Some guy: Besides, you're not supposed to know about Evil Mike, since you got locked in here before That Sunday Bitch changed him.
Lita: Ssshhut up!
Mickey: WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU DON'T NEED IT NOW!!! (Wow! I should get a recording contract!)
Lita: You too!
Mickey: Yeah! That's what I'm singing!
<Everybody in the Men's room groans. Somebody throws a roll of TP at Mickey. He pockets it.>
Mickey: Thanks! WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW YOU CAN FEEL SOMEHOW!!!
Lita: <bangs on the door> Sssomebody lemme out of here! I'm ssick of being ssstuck inthe Lady's room with all these perverts who get sssome kinda sssick thrill from hanging out inthe wrong bathroom!
Some guy: Actually, this is the Men's room. You're the one in the wrong bathroom.
Lita: <Looks around> No way! <Her eyes get wide. The truth dawns on her. She spins around and starts pounding on the door franticly.> AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!1!!!11!!! I'm not s'possedta be in here! And the Trix Bunny Guy Thing won't stop singing!!! LEMMEOUTLEMMEOUTLEMMEOUTLEMMEOUTLEMMEOUT!!!!!11!!!11!
Some other guy: Hey, calm down. You'll blow out a vocal cord. Take a breath or something.
Yet another guy: What kind of idiot puts the locks on the outside of the restroom doors anyway? Seems kind of stupid to me.
An even other guy: That's a safety hazard, is what that is.
Mickey: ...DON'T NEED IT NOOOOWW!!!! IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAAAAAY!!!! Woo! Finished! All right! That was great!!!1!!! One more time!!!!
Everybody: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Lita
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
#813
(Mickey reaches into his pocket)
Date: 10/16/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
Guy in the bathroom: LOOK OUT!!! HARVEY'S GOT A GUN!!!
Mickey: It's my phone. I've got a plan to get us out of here.
Lita: Oh ssure. Trixss rabbit can think of a plan, but he can't remember one ssimple sssong lyric.
Mickey: Excuse me?
Lita: Was. It wasss a beautiful day.
Mickey: An honest mistake! I'm sorry my small bunny brain can't comprehend Irish accents. Besides, you fixed it for me.
Lita: Apoligize to Bono.
Mickey: Well if he was here...
Lita: He's here??? And I'm stuck in the men's room? Hurray up, Rabbit, or your cottontail is mine.
Mickey: Alright, alright. (dials phone) Hey Ortega? It's Mickey.
Ortega: Uh huh. 'Bout time you got me back in the story. You know, I don't have anyone in real life to put me in whenever they damn well please.
Mickey: Sorry...Hey listen. You know Pharoah More Bologna?
Ortega: No.
Mickey: PM
Ortega: Oh right.
Mickey: Well, he wants 50 tacos.
Ortega: Good for him.
Lita: Bono wants some, too.
Mickey: (covering the phone) Yeah, Lita. I'll be with you in just one moment, okay. (Back on the phone) No, Teggy, you have to get them for him.
Ortega: Tell him to get off his lazy ass and get them himself.
Mickey: He doesn't know where to get them, but you do. There at Rowsdower's Pizza, Bulldozer Rentals, and Tacos.
Ortega: But Zap's tacos are terrible. They'll give PM...
Mickey: Exactly. Hurray up. (hangs up the phone) Well, Lita, we'll be out of here in a few minutes.
Lita: A FEW MINUTES??? But I'm not ready to meet Bono, yet. Look at me, I'm a mess. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
(minutes pass, and the bathroom door swings wide open, wand PM comes bursting in)
Mickey: Hey PM. How we're the tacos?
PM: Where's the toilet paper?!
Mickey: Oh, sor (PM takes it out of Mickey's hand before Mickey can finish his sentence)
Lita: Bono? Bono? Where is he?
Mickey: He, uh...he left. You know, tours and all. But he left you this (Mickey takes a dirty, crumpled up napkin off the bar).
Lita: OH! I'll never wash thiss napkin again!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Do-gooder
Big Fraidy Cat
What's up, doc?
(And yes, while bunnies don't wear pants, they do have pockets. What? You've never read about that?)
Next up: An annoying pop up ad VS soup
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